The French Maid & The Hussy
by cherline
Summary: a very funny fic. It's set after Rex's death and Bree has to clean out the closet. warning femmeslash BreeLynette


Bree Van De Kamp finally decided that she needed to get rid of Rex's things, but she needed help as well. She wouldn't dare ask Edie, Gabrielle had an ob/gyn appointment, Susan was illustrating for a book and the deadline was in two days, only Lynette was willing to help Bree on her day off. 

Bree and Lynette shuffled through Bree's closet, pulling out all of Rex's belongings. Lynette ended up stubbing her toe on a box. When she pulled the box out, Bree looked mortified.

"What's this?" Bree's jaw dropped.

"Uh... that's nothing... its nothing."

"If it were nothing, I wouldn't have severed a toe." Lynette moved the box onto Bree's bed.

"Lynette, I beg you not to open that box. I would die of humiliation if you do." Lynette nodded in understanding. Bree released a sigh of relief and turned towards the closet again.

"It's that kinda box..." Bree turned back around.

"What do you mean 'that kind of box'?"

"Sex toys, whips, handcuffs..."

"Oh My God!" Bree covered her face with her hands and Lynette laughed.

"Did you think you're the only one who had a box like this?" Bree removed her hands, but wasn't able to look at Lynette.

"You have one too?" Bree looked up curiously.

"Definitely," Lynette opened the box. "With a maid's costume in it." Bree raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips in a smirk.

"A maid's costume?"

"Yeah, and..." When Lynette looked up at Bree, she paused. "You can't seriously be interested..." Bree flashed an innocent look at Lynette.

"I'm just curious," Lynette rolled her eyes and scoffed. "May I see it? Since your looking through my box, May I see your box?"

"Um, first, that sounded wrong on so many levels. Second, why do you wanna see it?"

"I just want to see what the big fuss is about." Lynette threw up her hands and gave up.

"Alright, I'll be back."

"Ok." Bree grinned to herself as Lynette walked out of the bedroom. Lynette was only gone for a few minutes and when she returned she had a box in her arms.

"Is that yours?"

"No, it's my nanny's," Lynette retorted sarcastically.

"Gosh, I felt like Susan for a minute, and don't talk to me like that!" Lynette dropped the box on the bed and Bree moved to search through it. Lynette did the same with Bree's box.

"I didn't know you were into S&M."

"I wasn't, he was. My God, Lynette, that's HUGE!" Bree didn't touch it because she knew where it's been.

"That's for those long, lonely business trips."

"But doesn't it hurt?"

"No, honey... feels good!" Bree cringed slightly

"Ok, I get the picture." Bree let out a laugh when she finally came across black vinyl and white ruffles.

"I guess you found it..." Lynette snapped a ridding crop across her own behind.

"Yes, I did." Bree pulled out the costume and smiled evil like. Lynette looked over at Bree and shook her head.

"No, Bree!"

"Why not?"

"Because the last time I wore that, I fell asleep on the couch. That thing has bad memories."

"Pretty please?" Bree play pouted and an idea shot into Lynette's mind.

"Fine, as long as you put on one of your costumes." Bree's face fell.

"Never mind. Forget I asked you"  
"Oh, come on Bree. We have the same body parts and the same obsessions," Bree shot a dirty look at Lynette. "Ok, not all the same obsessions, but you know what I mean."

"Alright, I'll do it." Lynette grinned and grabbed her costume from Bree. She ran into the bathroom with a squeal. When she emerged, Bree wasn't in the room. She took a moment and looked in the mirror.

"Bree Van De Kamp! Get your ass in here you brazen hussy!" Bree pushed the door open with shock and rested her hand on the door frame. Bree wore red underwear under a fur coat and heals to match.

"Brazen hussy?!?!" Bree was propped up by her hand and the way she was leaning made her coat fall open; which, in turn made Lynette's eyes widen and jaw drop.

"Lynette... you look so cute." Lynette recovered when she saw Bree heading her way.

"Where were you?"

"Looking for this coat."

"Oh..." Lynette realized what Bree said before Lynette asked where she was. "Cute? I look cute?"

"You do... Oh, you even have the ruffled panties." Bree mindlessly fluffed the ruffles up. Lynette smacked her hand away.

"Have you lost your mind?" Guessing that was rhetorical, Bree stood quiet. Lynette turned to Bree and opened her coat. "Are these thongs?" Lynette's hands followed the lingerie to the back. "Oooh, yes they are." Lynette gave the string a little tug upward.

"Ouch! Lynette!" Lynette giggled as she watched Bree try to pull her thong out. "Lynette, they're supposed to be in your rear, not in your colon." Once Bree recovered, she grabbed the ridding crop from her bed and gave Lynette's bare thigh a thwack.

"Ooh! That stings!" Lynette rubbed her thigh to relieve the pain.

"Good! Serves you right for giving me rash." Bree pouted and Lynette laughed.

"I only pulled your thong up cause you were caressing my ass."

"I was fluffing your ruffles! And I wouldn't have been doing it if you hadn't called me a hussy"

"I wouldn't have called you a hussy if you had been in the room."

"I would have been here if you didn't insist on me putting on one of my costumes."

"I only asked you because you asked me."

"I only asked you because you were touching my box!" Bree said that a little to loud. Lynette pressed her lips together to keep herself from laughing to hard. Soon, both women retired into a fit of laughter and hiccups. Fighting for air, Bree and Lynette held each other up. The laughter subsided.

"Oh my goodness! What would I do without you?" Bree sighed the question.

"Die of boredom?" Bree chuckled and pulled Lynette in for an embrace. Bree's arms wrapped around Lynette's shoulders and Lynette hugged Bree under the coat.

"If I didn't have you I would still be depressed, but you brought laughter back to my life." Bree whispered into Lynette's hair, "I will always be grateful to you for that."

"Don't mention it... I love to make you laugh." Lynette slid her hands from Bree's waist to her back. With her head pressed against Bree's chest, she heard her heart rate increase. Lynette pulled Bree closer to her and let their bodies meet almost everywhere. Lynette noticed how hot Bree's body became and that her own body reacted the same way. Shallow breaths caressed Lynette's shoulders causing her to shiver. The small blond followed her instincts and licked the very spot her mouth was pressed against. Bree's hands roamed the bare skin at Lynette's upper back, then dipped down to find a zipper. Cool air kissed Lynette's hot skin and was immediately consoled by Bree's warm hands.

"Lynette?" Bree's voice was husky and full of need.

"Hmm?" Lynette was scared that Bree might reject her, but showed no sign of it.

"Who's going to lock the door?" Lynette smiled against Bree's chest and slid out of Bree's arms. Lynette locked the rest of the world out with a bolt of a latch. She walked back to a waiting red head. Bree's hands reached Lynette's thighs and slid upward and tugged the maid's costume up and over Lynette's head. The petite blond stood there in just her ruffled panties. Bree pulled Lynette close to her by the hips until there lips were mere centimeters apart. Just a hair's breath away and Bree couldn't force herself to kiss Lynette, so Lynette leaned into a feather light kiss. From there Bree took over, making the kiss slightly deeper by separating her lips to entrap Lynette's bottom lip then pulling it into her mouth and running her hot tongue along the length of it. Not really being the demure one, Lynette moaned against Bree's lips then deepened the kiss. Also not being the shy one, Lynette pushed Bree's fur coat off of her shoulders. Reluctantly, Bree released Lynette's hips and let the coat drop to the floor then her hands returned to their rightful place. Bree, finally, became brave and slipped her hands under Lynette's ruffled panties to cup her full bottom.

"Oh God..." Lynette broke the kiss and Bree bent down to gather the short blond into her arms. Lynette's legs wrapped around Bree's waist and her arms around Bree's neck. Bree made her way, slowly, to the bed while nipping at Lynette's neck. She laid the petite blond on her back, knocked the boxes off the bed, and continued the torture on Lynette's neck. Her right hand rested on the underside of Lynette's left breast while her thumb passed back and forth. Lynette bent her left knee and Bree gasped in surprise when Lynette's thigh bumped against her sex. Bree set a pace for herself, crying out in the process. Lynette pushed her leg higher, hopping to feel more of that delicious friction Bree was causing. To Lynette's disappointment, Bree's hand left her breast. Then, to her delight, Bree's hand slipped between both women and into Lynette's panties. Lynette gasped and gave a shuddering sigh. Her hips lifted slightly, in-couraging Bree to keep going. After Rex's death, this was familiar territory. Bree knew what she was doing. A slight pinch here, a roll here, and lots of rubbing. Soon Lynette was whimpering and begging for release. Lynette's body glistened with sweat and the way she was breathing sounded like she just finished running a marathon. Bree was near the edge as well, and with a roll of her hips and fingers both women climaxed intensely; with the precision of a mother, calm and quiet. Bree slid to Lynette's side and sighed. She pulled her hand out of Lynette's panties and looked at her finger with curiosity. Lynette's scent filled her nostrils and she felt dizzy.

"What are you doing?" Lynette could barely breath, let alone speak.

"I've always been curious," Bree whispered then licked the length of her fingers..

"That has to be the hottest thing I've ever seen." Lynette was starting up again. Bree smiled and pulled Lynette to her for a cuddle. She brushed back the hair from Lynette's face and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Who's a hussy now, huh?" Lynette buried her face in Bree's hair and giggled. Bree held Lynette gently until it came time for Lynette to leave.

* * *

_Who wants visual aid??? I wrote this fic a while ago and along with it i made this: http://i11. _


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